[ breathing really does feel a little easier, with jyn at his side. with her hand around his; with her head resting against his; ensconced in her. he has so rarely had reason to feel protected in his life, but he does now. jyn is a safe harbor. she wouldn't let any harm come to him. the only pain that exists here is that which he brought with him. this close, he can feel her surprised inhale as much as he can hear it, as she begins to understand the shape of it. her grip on his hand tightens as if she's afraid he'll slip away. on instinct, more than anything else, he moves his head somewhat to rest more easily on her shoulder.
of course she understands. he knew from her file about her mother's death, when she was a child. he was there when the ruins of jedha collapsed around saw gerrera. he was there, still clutching the rifle intended for the job, when fire from alliance x-wings killed galen erso. he knows how intimately she understands losing family. they leave you behind, her teenage self had said. but therein lies the difference between the two of them. ]
I left her.
[ solemn as the grave. he left her behind, on kenari, when they sought out that downed ship. he left her behind on kenari, and there were no survivors. he watched the man who loved him like a son be strung up in a square; he was far out of reach when the woman who him loved more than anything he could ever do wrong died in her home. today, in highstorm: he walked away from her. even if the apparition was removed from the real girl kerri had been, even if she'll never know, he walked away from her, again. ]
no subject
of course she understands. he knew from her file about her mother's death, when she was a child. he was there when the ruins of jedha collapsed around saw gerrera. he was there, still clutching the rifle intended for the job, when fire from alliance x-wings killed galen erso. he knows how intimately she understands losing family. they leave you behind, her teenage self had said. but therein lies the difference between the two of them. ]
I left her.
[ solemn as the grave. he left her behind, on kenari, when they sought out that downed ship. he left her behind on kenari, and there were no survivors. he watched the man who loved him like a son be strung up in a square; he was far out of reach when the woman who him loved more than anything he could ever do wrong died in her home. today, in highstorm: he walked away from her. even if the apparition was removed from the real girl kerri had been, even if she'll never know, he walked away from her, again. ]