[they've made each other smile before during small moments of amusement over the past several months, have even gotten a laugh out of each other a couple of times, but jyn's never heard anything like this from cassian — nothing this solid or sustained. she'd be thinking about the sheer wonder of that if she weren't also laughing helplessly, tipping over onto her side with it, only encouraged by his.
his impression, which really is in diane's exact cadence, only makes that worse.
she can't remember the last time she'd laughed like this, either — until her sides ache, until there are actual tears in her eyes. after a time, after she's wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and she catches her breath, she sets to work on the stupid leggings and leg warmers, wriggling and tugging on the whole combination to the point of finally getting free of them.
without missing a beat, she tosses them to the other side of the room, where they land in a heap on the floor. good fucking riddance.
falling gently back down onto the bed, then, she shifts closer, hooking a (now) bare leg around cassian. for a moment, it's almost like she's going to lean in to kiss him, but she stops short of that. says, instead, in her own impersonation,]
"Maybe you should try the spa! Rest and relaxation gets everyone in tip top shape!"
[ he really can't remember the last time he laughed like this. there are tears in his eyes from pure mirth, and he wipes them away with the hand still at his face. maybe when he was still a teenager, maybe, with brasso or bix or someone who'd made up the patchwork of his new life. who can say?
and he doesn't focus on trying to remember, not when he has the privilege of hearing jyn's laugh. the sound is so bright, so sweet, so lovely. he feels a surge of satisfaction when she only laughs harder at his impression, finally starts to get his breathing back under control as she wiggles out of those leggings herself. he's finally able to drop his hand in time to watch her throw them across the room — which would make him grin if he weren't already — and he tips his head up to look at her as she returns to laying on the bed. his smile softens, then, to something fonder, as he turns his face towards hers. as she hooks that leg around him. and then she leans in so close,
and echoes diane.
and he drops his head back on the pillow, reaching to smother his own laughter all over again. then he has a better idea — moves his hand to, instead, go behind her head and pull her in for another kiss. likely, they're both still laughing, but that has to be a good way to get her to stop mimicking diane and to help him recover his composure. he's still the one to break off the first attempt, trying so hard to push that mirth aside, and takes the second attempt with more ferocity — enough to push her backwards, encourage her to return to her back, his free hand moving out to steady his weight on her other side once again. ]
[there's nothing that's ever been as easy to her as being here. the smile that forms on her face in response to the one that softens on his is easy; so is the satisfaction that curls just on the edge of it when she pulls more laughter out of him, and so is the laugh that bubbles up from her chest in turn — quieter now, that they're so close, but no less bright.
and isn't it amazing how easy this is, how light? life as she's known it — as they've both known it — is hard and cold and fucking unfair; those things are still true (she'd never, of course, be under any delusion of otherwise), but sometimes, sometimes, in the certain moments, with the right person, it can be something else.
it's that thought, maybe, that comes at the same time as cassian's second attempt to kiss her, that quiets her laugh down, has her taking him in instead. has her reaching for him, pulling him over her as he guides her onto her back again, sighing into his mouth at the comfortable familiarity of the weight.]
[ jyn pulls him back over her, and he moves fluidly to accomplish just that — following her, following him — without taking his mouth off hers. he's still bent sideways over her, but her arms guide his hips and allow him to, sightlessly, bring his knee back to her other side. this kiss is no less full of love than the past ones, and as he's repositioned it becomes languid. she sighs, content, and he takes her lower lip into his mouth for a moment; and he gently, so gently, savors this kiss. they have time.
he lifts his lips from hers only to kiss her again, and then again, curled over her. his arms are bent, fingers to elbows balanced on the bedspread, so close to her that the bare skin of their chests are pressed flush as he makes every attempt to kiss her senseless.
and then finally, when he really has no option but to come up for air, he raises his head with eyes dark and intense, and, ]
It's not too late if you still want to try the spa, instead.
[they have the time — and she's less impatient now, somehow, to linger in it. his kisses are languid, savoring, radiating warmth; she doesn't have to reach to pull him in, as close as they are, but she still has both hands gently holding his face.
still does, even as, when they emerge for air, he lifts his head and says that. still does, even as she lifts a single brow, and responds, easy,]
Fuck off.
[her voice, breathless, also has no bite at all whatsoever; on the contrary, there's just another hint of a laugh in it, one that reaches all the way to her eyes.
then, lifting her head just slightly off the pillow, she leans in for another kiss before he has the chance to comment.]
[ he's smiling again — can't seem to stop smiling — as her lips meet his once more. and, again, he takes the time to enjoy this, to enjoy her, to enjoy everything about this moment. and then he finally pulls back, gently takes her hands from his face, and moves downwards once again. with the shiny leggings thankfully gone, the only fabric left between them is her underwear, and that's much more easily dealt with.
and once that is dealt with,
there is really nothing left to do but reward her, at last, for her patience. the time for teasing her has come and gone; now he only wants to make her feel very, very good. and so he — sets his mouth to task, as intent as he's been about anything in all the time she's known him. ]
[even when she can't see it, just feel it, his smile has an instant effect on her; it's like it transfers from his lips to hers. or maybe they share it, because in some ways, it's hard to tell what separates them when they're pressed so closely — and that distinction doesn't really matter, anyway. no, what matters is that, honestly, she would be content just to stay like this.
but that's not what he has in mind.
and — she's certainly more than content with that, too.
it's not a sense of urgency that comes to her, exactly, as he works intently, because she's learning the value of time, and it's not want, because of course that had never left — but it's heat. it's her senses steadily becoming overwhelmed, eyes sliding closed so she can focus on that, surrender to it. it's her own pounding heart and breaths becoming harder to catch, and her hands, empty, tightly grabbing fistfuls of sheets. it's being brought to a place she'd tried to seek out with others in his absence, and while most of that had been fine, done what it'd needed to do, it —
hadn't been this fucking good.
something in her, one last bit of sense, maybe, tries to say something to that effect, but in the end, it's a gasp she's able to manage, and a half-formation of his name.]
curled on his side next to jyn, their foreheads touching, he's still in awe of this. of her. and he still leans forward to peck her lips, brief, and murmur as he pulls back, ]
You're beautiful.
[ and she is. she's as beautiful now, tangled in the blankets, hair loose and half in her eyes, as she's ever been, always is. she's beautiful because she's jyn, and he will never see her otherwise. it's such a strange miracle that they have this after everything — this chance to discover one another in new and different ways, to actually think about some kind of future together. A life. he doesn't know how to want life, but he wants her — achingly. maybe that's something. ]
[people can be happy here, vash had told her what seems like an age ago now; it's funny, how time feels when it's actually there, stretched beyond any and all limits she'd ever known. happy — the word sticks in her mind, taking root there as they're curled together, as a gentle thumb brushes the hair away from cassian's forehead and he is, in this moment, the only center of her world. is that what this is? the actual name she could put to the smile that can't seem to fade from her own face when he kisses her and tells her that she's beautiful, or the warmth that settles in her to the point of feeling like it's permanent.
is she happy?
the whole concept of that is so foreign that she still struggles to piece it together, but, she thinks — maybe. maybe she is. maybe it's actually possible.
he has this way of showing her what's possible when she'd thought otherwise.
and that's one reason, one reason out of so many, more than she can actually quantify, that —]
I love you.
[it's soft, barely more than a whisper, but it fills the space they share with every bit of emotion she feels.
you're beautiful, too, is a thought that goes unsaid, maybe less because she's not quite sure how to say it, but because she doesn't need to. it's there in how her eyes never leave him, how her hand keeps touching his face, reverent, fingers ghosting over the skin there like they're handling something precious. it's also there in how she leans forward, pressing her lips to his in a long, slow kiss, one that can take the time that they have.
(it wouldn't be terrible if you two made each other happy.)]
[ vash had said, she loves you. you love her, too.
it had been the first time cassian had heard that sentiment in so many words about the two of them. and, even then, he'd known there was truth to it — whether he liked it or not. it had been terrifying to consider. there are so many reasons why she shouldn't love him. there are so many reasons why he's likely to bring her pain. has there been anyone who loved him who didn't regret it? and how little he deserves peace; how little he deserves the way she looks at him now, the way her hands skim his face like he's worth something.
the way she says, i love you.
she wouldn't like knowing that these thoughts are never far, even at a moment like this. but maybe she would like knowing the way she speaks, the way she looks at him, the way her touch feels — that all of it seems to fill the space between them, suffuse this moment, until there's little room for worries of deserving. it's so hard to take his eyes off her. it's so hard to think about anything but his arms curled around her, but the way she leans forward now to kiss him, unhurried. it's so hard to think about anything but the slow bloom of bliss inside his chest, anything but pressing closer, deeper, into the kiss.
i love you, goes unsaid. but she has to know, by now. i love you, i love you.]
[she knows; she knows she can say that, safely, and knows that it's returned, because she's heard it — but more than that, because she can feel it. i love you is in not only how he meets her halfway, but also in how he catches her, gives her a soft place to land.
it's love and it's home, one and the same.
those things have always been connected in jyn's mind, she realizes now, and no one brings them together so seamlessly as him. and it's a certainty that's just as safe as any other, here; she does mean in this eyesore of a room, yes, but she'd also mean it anywhere he was, because the safest place for her in any world, in any galaxy, is in his arms.
smiling easily against his mouth, she lets him press closer, and as far as she's concerned, they can stay like that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
his impression, which really is in diane's exact cadence, only makes that worse.
she can't remember the last time she'd laughed like this, either — until her sides ache, until there are actual tears in her eyes. after a time, after she's wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and she catches her breath, she sets to work on the stupid leggings and leg warmers, wriggling and tugging on the whole combination to the point of finally getting free of them.
without missing a beat, she tosses them to the other side of the room, where they land in a heap on the floor. good fucking riddance.
falling gently back down onto the bed, then, she shifts closer, hooking a (now) bare leg around cassian. for a moment, it's almost like she's going to lean in to kiss him, but she stops short of that. says, instead, in her own impersonation,]
"Maybe you should try the spa! Rest and relaxation gets everyone in tip top shape!"
no subject
and he doesn't focus on trying to remember, not when he has the privilege of hearing jyn's laugh. the sound is so bright, so sweet, so lovely. he feels a surge of satisfaction when she only laughs harder at his impression, finally starts to get his breathing back under control as she wiggles out of those leggings herself. he's finally able to drop his hand in time to watch her throw them across the room — which would make him grin if he weren't already — and he tips his head up to look at her as she returns to laying on the bed. his smile softens, then, to something fonder, as he turns his face towards hers. as she hooks that leg around him. and then she leans in so close,
and echoes diane.
and he drops his head back on the pillow, reaching to smother his own laughter all over again. then he has a better idea — moves his hand to, instead, go behind her head and pull her in for another kiss. likely, they're both still laughing, but that has to be a good way to get her to stop mimicking diane and to help him recover his composure. he's still the one to break off the first attempt, trying so hard to push that mirth aside, and takes the second attempt with more ferocity — enough to push her backwards, encourage her to return to her back, his free hand moving out to steady his weight on her other side once again. ]
no subject
and isn't it amazing how easy this is, how light? life as she's known it — as they've both known it — is hard and cold and fucking unfair; those things are still true (she'd never, of course, be under any delusion of otherwise), but sometimes, sometimes, in the certain moments, with the right person, it can be something else.
it's that thought, maybe, that comes at the same time as cassian's second attempt to kiss her, that quiets her laugh down, has her taking him in instead. has her reaching for him, pulling him over her as he guides her onto her back again, sighing into his mouth at the comfortable familiarity of the weight.]
no subject
he lifts his lips from hers only to kiss her again, and then again, curled over her. his arms are bent, fingers to elbows balanced on the bedspread, so close to her that the bare skin of their chests are pressed flush as he makes every attempt to kiss her senseless.
and then finally, when he really has no option but to come up for air, he raises his head with eyes dark and intense, and, ]
It's not too late if you still want to try the spa, instead.
no subject
still does, even as, when they emerge for air, he lifts his head and says that. still does, even as she lifts a single brow, and responds, easy,]
Fuck off.
[her voice, breathless, also has no bite at all whatsoever; on the contrary, there's just another hint of a laugh in it, one that reaches all the way to her eyes.
then, lifting her head just slightly off the pillow, she leans in for another kiss before he has the chance to comment.]
no subject
and once that is dealt with,
there is really nothing left to do but reward her, at last, for her patience. the time for teasing her has come and gone; now he only wants to make her feel very, very good. and so he — sets his mouth to task, as intent as he's been about anything in all the time she's known him. ]
no subject
but that's not what he has in mind.
and — she's certainly more than content with that, too.
it's not a sense of urgency that comes to her, exactly, as he works intently, because she's learning the value of time, and it's not want, because of course that had never left — but it's heat. it's her senses steadily becoming overwhelmed, eyes sliding closed so she can focus on that, surrender to it. it's her own pounding heart and breaths becoming harder to catch, and her hands, empty, tightly grabbing fistfuls of sheets. it's being brought to a place she'd tried to seek out with others in his absence, and while most of that had been fine, done what it'd needed to do, it —
hadn't been this fucking good.
something in her, one last bit of sense, maybe, tries to say something to that effect, but in the end, it's a gasp she's able to manage, and a half-formation of his name.]
no subject
and later,
curled on his side next to jyn, their foreheads touching, he's still in awe of this. of her. and he still leans forward to peck her lips, brief, and murmur as he pulls back, ]
You're beautiful.
[ and she is. she's as beautiful now, tangled in the blankets, hair loose and half in her eyes, as she's ever been, always is. she's beautiful because she's jyn, and he will never see her otherwise. it's such a strange miracle that they have this after everything — this chance to discover one another in new and different ways, to actually think about some kind of future together. A life. he doesn't know how to want life, but he wants her — achingly. maybe that's something. ]
no subject
is she happy?
the whole concept of that is so foreign that she still struggles to piece it together, but, she thinks — maybe. maybe she is. maybe it's actually possible.
he has this way of showing her what's possible when she'd thought otherwise.
and that's one reason, one reason out of so many, more than she can actually quantify, that —]
I love you.
[it's soft, barely more than a whisper, but it fills the space they share with every bit of emotion she feels.
you're beautiful, too, is a thought that goes unsaid, maybe less because she's not quite sure how to say it, but because she doesn't need to. it's there in how her eyes never leave him, how her hand keeps touching his face, reverent, fingers ghosting over the skin there like they're handling something precious. it's also there in how she leans forward, pressing her lips to his in a long, slow kiss, one that can take the time that they have.
(it wouldn't be terrible if you two made each other happy.)]
no subject
it had been the first time cassian had heard that sentiment in so many words about the two of them. and, even then, he'd known there was truth to it — whether he liked it or not. it had been terrifying to consider. there are so many reasons why she shouldn't love him. there are so many reasons why he's likely to bring her pain. has there been anyone who loved him who didn't regret it? and how little he deserves peace; how little he deserves the way she looks at him now, the way her hands skim his face like he's worth something.
the way she says, i love you.
she wouldn't like knowing that these thoughts are never far, even at a moment like this. but maybe she would like knowing the way she speaks, the way she looks at him, the way her touch feels — that all of it seems to fill the space between them, suffuse this moment, until there's little room for worries of deserving. it's so hard to take his eyes off her. it's so hard to think about anything but his arms curled around her, but the way she leans forward now to kiss him, unhurried. it's so hard to think about anything but the slow bloom of bliss inside his chest, anything but pressing closer, deeper, into the kiss.
i love you, goes unsaid. but she has to know, by now. i love you, i love you. ]
🎀
it's love and it's home, one and the same.
those things have always been connected in jyn's mind, she realizes now, and no one brings them together so seamlessly as him. and it's a certainty that's just as safe as any other, here; she does mean in this eyesore of a room, yes, but she'd also mean it anywhere he was, because the safest place for her in any world, in any galaxy, is in his arms.
smiling easily against his mouth, she lets him press closer, and as far as she's concerned, they can stay like that.
time, love, home. they have all three.]